how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
