i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
