Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
