You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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