strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
