I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
