There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
