Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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