I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Alive.
So much puke
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
