it was like having sex with a tree stump
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
