i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
my poor anus
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
