she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
