I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
babies were throwing up all over the place
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
