A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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