I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
