Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
