if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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