I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I lost the right to judge tonight
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
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