So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
