Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just want to make out with him forever
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
