Don't make out with my wife yet
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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