I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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