I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
