He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
