I cockslap morals
one might say we're banned from that church
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
