Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Randomize
