It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
