that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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