I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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