I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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