Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize