And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
