she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
