i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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