She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Randomize
