I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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