i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
