I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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