i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
