this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
