Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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