you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
