The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
