When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Randomize
