You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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