my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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