she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
