Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Man, jail baloney is awful.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
