i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
All I want is dick and wine.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
