So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
