I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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