He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
