She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
