Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Walk of Shame today included voting.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
