just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
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