omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Plan B is the new Plan A
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize