just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
