to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
