I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
