im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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