just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize