so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
