You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
