last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
