Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Randomize
