actually, I'm a sock model
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
