Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
