apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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