literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize