you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
