AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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