This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
