1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
