Me too!
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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