You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
