Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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