Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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