It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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