Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
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