i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
